Secrets

I've been through several situations in the past few months involving secrets.

Why are we compelled to keep them? Why do we choose to hide part of ourselves from the people we love? What is it about that person - or is it the secret? - that doesn't instill the trust and comfort we need to share our secret?

I've lived with someone else's secret for 4 years. The burden of that has caused an unbelievable amount of stress to me. Even when confronted with the fact that I had this knowledge, this person chose not to "come clean." Still to this day, said person lives in a certain amount of denial that there is anything to resolve. And, to this day, said relationship is tension-filled.

I've watched a friend tear herself up over the fear that her boyfriend is keeping secrets. Even to the point of following him after a cold dismissal on a Saturday night.

Why don't we trust the ones we love with our secrets? Or even just parts of our past that we choose not to share?

Can you really "let someone in" if there is something about yourself (the big stuff, folks) that they don't know? When it comes to building relationships - intimate or otherwise - how much does a "tell-all" policy matter?

I want to make a blanket statement, and see if those few who read this blog have any thoughts on it...

Do guys keep more secrets than women? Are women more willing to be vulnerable with her past - or present - than the typical guy? Is a man more likely to keep part of himself - a former life or even current behaviors in the current life - hidden?

When does "not telling" cross to the desire for privacy - and then cross the line to keeping secrets?

Are these "single-only" issues? For you marrieds out there - does any of this ring true after the I-Do's?

(In full disclosure - I cheated on a test once. I regularly speed while driving. I used to steal gumballs from the corner shop when I was little. In the 5th grade, I lost my favorite pen & stole my best friend's identical pen & claimed it was mine.)