Angry and guilty

if you have watched any of the news reports in the last 24 hours, you've seen that things are not going well in the evacuation of the folks from new orleans, nor are they all that great in Biloxi, Gulfport, Waveland, Diamondhead, Ocean Springs, Pass Christian, and D'Iberville, MS. Water has not gotten to my neighbors until YESTERDAY.

700 guests & employees of the Hyatt Hotel were moved to the front of the evacuation line ahead of the 2,000 people who have been in the superdome since Sunday.

I am angry that aid has not come more effeciently, more quickly, - nor has it been enough.

I am angry that we congratulate ourselves about 200 million being raised for the red cross. it costs 500 million each day simply for FEMA to do what it is doing, and there is still more to be done.

I feel guilty that i have been in a safe, air conditioned home for a week. i feel guilty that i have spent $120 on groceries in the past two days - food to feed me & max for the next week. I feel guilty that i can drive my car and purchase gas at my leisure. i feel guilty that i have clothes to wear and a shower to take. i feel guilty that so many people are offering to help me, when i'm living in what feels like luxury compared to what my neighbors are enduring. I feel ashamed to take help, yet I need it to live through these days of no work and increased expenses for max.

I feel ashamed that i haven't done anything yet to help anyone. my friend amanda and many of my co-workers are down there, and there's not a damn thing i can do to help.

we have money in our payroll account, but have no way of getting it to our staff. we still don't konw the condition of many of them.

every day, i sit & wonder if my apartment's been looted yet. "have the discovered that the little child care center also has an apartment in the building?" will the 6 inches of mud and locked door stop anyone?

what will i return to?

when will i return?