Just a few corrections

Tonight, my heart is breaking.

The Bennett Center, the ministry where I was the assistant director for 14 months, is going through hell. The exec. director who took over 8 months after I started, (which is also 6 months before he figured out a way to get rid of me) has ruined one of the best ministries I've ever seen. He's decided to close The New Life Center (youth ministry) and the theater programs - two of 5 ministries - the only two, by the way, that actually BROUGHT IN money. And when they are severely in debt, you'd think that they'd want to bring in money. Not to mention, they are the most visible programs in to the public's eye.

I've been keeping up with the drama through my friends that still work there (who, coincidentally, are the very ones losing their jobs due to these program cuts. Sound fishy to any one else?) and every week brings another heartache.

Tonight, I found out that the husband of the future interim exec. director (father of teen who attends the NLC programs) verbally assaulted the director of the NLC and one of the volunteers, in the presence of 5 teens. He insulted the very people I respect the most, and made them cry. I HATE WHEN GROWN MEN MAKE YOUNG WOMEN CRY.

And I talk with Brady (director of youth programs) about how we hate what this ministry has turned into, and how we wish we could put the final nail in the coffin just to put it out of it's misery and let it be done. That maybe, after all, that would be more graceful than trying to rebuild something out of ashes.

but yet... although we despise what is happening, and have both been hurt terribly by some of the people in the administration, and by people on the board, we find ourselves reluctant to hammer the final nail in place. Because, after all, it is this same ministry that called me to stay in Kentucky after making the decision to leave. It is this same ministry that motivated Brady to move from Montana.

And, most of all, it's the ministry where Alice works.

Alice is the dearest soul in the world. She is my grandmother that I met when I was 24 - the 75 year old woman who, after leaving her husband, met Bob Wood (late founder of TBC) and was inspired by his vision of a ministry that "provided opportunities for wholeness to all persons." Alice moved to Kentucky from Indiana to live in an old college apartment, to work in the pottery studio and new life center to help tutor 4th graders at risk of dropping out of school. Alice climbed the rock climbing wall on her 75th birthday, to the cheers of all present. Alice learned pottery so that she could teach it to children who needed help expressing themselves. Alice cried the day I was fired. Alice cried on Monday when we talked, for she was so upset about what was happening to the other 6 young volunteers who are losing their home and jobs on June 1. Alice, who stays - because she feels called to be a part of saving The Bennett Center.

And, though it would be nice to put the final nail in the coffin and let all those who hurt me get "what they deserve" - - - - what would happen to Alice? Can I, or Brady, be a part of doing something that will hinder Alice's call to ministry?

And so my heart breaks, because it's just going to get worse before it gets better, and I don't even fully believe that it will get better. And so I cry for Alice, because I DON'T know what will happen to her. And I cry out of pride for Brady, Tim, Hilari, Ben, Sarah & Christina, for fighting for & standing up for themselves & the ministries they have built there.

And I cry, because I hired all of those people, inviting them to be a part of the ministry I was a part of, because I believed in them, and I believed in their call to a progressive, life-changing ministry that did more than preach at people... It was a ministry where Jesus was real to all people in all ways - when we fixed homes, when we played DDR, when we produced plays - we showed everyone who came on our campus that God cares about EVERY aspect of their lives, and that we wanted to be a part of that love. I cry because that ministry is gone. I cry because I no longer get to be a part of their lives. I cry because I don't get to visit Alice in the craft store when I'm bored at work, sure to sneak a piece of chocolate or even possibly a hug.

And so, in honor of Mary Lou, Alice, Brady, Tim, Hilary, Ben, Sarah, Christina and all the others working there, I salute you. I send you hope when it's hopeless. I wish, as Sarah & Hilari asked me on Monday, that I could rescue you. I wish I could take you all with me. I wish you strength for the days ahead. I wish you God's grace to deal with the ugliness that is sure to come in the days ahead, and I wish you Godspeed as you journey on - beyond our time together, and beyond what could have been. I look forward to meeting you again someday and hearing what exciting things you have done. I look forward to hearing how you have again found a way to be God's hands in a hurting world. I thank you for the privilege of working along side of you for a short time, and for being a part of the journey since then.

Here is a link to the front page of the local London paper. The link to the article isn't working currently, but it's www.sentinel-echo.com if anyone wants to attempt reading the actual articles.

http://www.sentinel-echo.com/content/current/front/front.pdf