Reflections of a new mother
(warning to those folks who think that having a newborn is gloriously always happy. This post contains realistic words and thoughts from a new mother. If you can't handle reading that or feel the need to judge, please discontinue reading & skip straight to the cute pictures!)
Well, folks, "Baby Boot Camp" is over, or so they tell me. We've all survived the first 6 weeks, and we're all still 1) intact, 2) talking to each other, 3) well fed and clean. It's supposed to get "easier" now. I'm wondering who "they" are, and what they define as "easier."
The last 6 weeks have been the hardest of my life.
I've had challening jobs, bosses, assignments, situations. I've been pushed by the environment I've been in. I've had devastating family situations in the last 2 years. I've lived through Hurricane Katrina & her aftermath. I've moved 5 times in the last 3 years.
The last 6 weeks have been the hardest of my life.
I survive on sleep in 2 hour (more, if I'm lucky) segments.
I have someone sucking on me every three hours for 30-45 minutes at a time, only to follow that with possibly spitting up on me, peeing on me, and once, pooping on me.
I consider showering and dressing (in non-pajamas) daily a HUGE accomplishment.
I'm extraordinarily proud if I 1) brush my teeth, 2) eat 3 real meals that don't include a pop-tart, 3) do something non-baby-care related (like laundry or getting dinner ready or cleaning the kitchen), 4) get outside for more than 10 minutes, 5) respond to an email with more than 3 sentences, 6) read something non-baby related.
I love my son. That goes without saying, I hope. Nevertheless, caring for him can be very draining, especially when he sleeps for only 30 minutes at a time during the day. Spending 45 minutes to get him BACK to sleep put me over the edge, and I actually called Max to have him come home, because I was worried about my ability to handle James as best he needed. I sometimes think I'm a bad mother because I get upset. Several kind folks have assured me otherwise, but I don't really believe them.
I love my son. But sometimes, I'm not thrilled with being a new mom. I've been promised (under threat of having a 6 week old shipped to Ohio) that it'll get easier & I'll actually enjoy this. I'm still waiting for that to be true for more than 2 hours (or 2 days) at a time.
posted by Becky @ 8:46 PM
4 Comments:
Sounds trite, but endure. Sleeping through the night isn't too too far away. Just when I couldn't take anymore, Anna slept 5 hours @ 7 weeks and I thought I had died and gone to heaven.
These thoughts are natural, good and my experience, too. They DO NOT make you a bad mother. They make you a human being.
thanks for being real. those on this side of things are dreadfully curious, yet feel we're not always getting the whole story. "no, really, what's it like?"
Hi Becky,
I don't think you are alone. My friends Michele and Eric had a baby by on May 10. I saw them yesterday and Michele related many of the same feelings -- especially, she wonders why nobody ever told her how difficult and incredibly painful breastfeeding would be! The fact that you know when to call Max for help shows you are incredibly sensible! I am sure the lack of sleep makes it that much harder. But I just have to echo Cherie-- you are NOT a bad mother! But just have the natural reaction to a very physically and mentally challenging situation. It will get better soon!
By the way, I am back in town from today (May 28) til June 10 and not too far away from you. So, if you find yourself needing a hand or a babysitter so you can just get out of the house someday, give me a ring (cell: 614 579 1341)!
Take care
Cathleen
You are not a bad mother! As you said, you are human. And it does get better. It will not seem like it soon, but one day (it was around 6 months for me) you will look back and realize that things have been getting easier. And you will never want to go back to pre-baby.
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