Just a fluke...

Last week, it was random.

At naptime, it was a dream.

On saturday, it was an answer to prayer 'cause we were running late & the alternative would have put me over the edge.

Last night, I thought it was real.

Tonight, I know it is.

My son is going to bed on his own.

MY SON. MY SON, with whom many tears have been shed (on both parties cheeks) over falling asleep.

Here's how tonight went:
8:00 bath & massage with bedtime lotion (which could be a crock, but it's a good excuse to give him a rub-down)
8:15 get bottle ready
8:20 kiss Max goodnight, upstairs with becky
8:30 finished 5 oz bottle, rubbing eyes, almost asleep
8:32 burping/spit up - awake - hang out with mom a little bit more
8:40 in crib, talking to mobile friends, listening to bedtime cd
8:45 fussy - needs some mama time
8:50 stroll around room, back in crib - talking w/ mobile friends
9:00 asleep, sucking on burp rag/thumb.

when he woke up at 4:45 this morning, I heard him talking, and then heard him sucking his thumb, and then i didn't hear him.

Seriously.

When julie was here a few months ago, I was in the midst of "HOW DO I TEACH HIM TO FALL ASLEEP????" crisis. I said - I just want to be able to put him in his crib, kiss him, and walk away. she said - when will that come?

my response: (more hopeful than realistic) - around 6 months, I think.

James is 5 1/2 months old. I didn't do a damn thing to "teach him" how do to this. What I was teaching him was to associate crying with sleeping. The experts & books didn't prepare me for this. He just kinda led us to it - he'd squirm & wiggle out of our arms, and we'd say - okay, just hang out in your crib, then. And then he fell asleep.

Seriously.

My son - this little boy who's "just 5 1/2 months old" is teaching me SO much about myself, about him, and about trusting both of us to get through these beginning days of our relationship as mother & son.