speechless

There have been a few - and usually random - things that affect me in this whole Post-Katrina-life that I'm living.

• Driving into Waveland (eye of the storm) for the first time last weekend. Seeing the beach where my friend Deb & I sat last year, when she came down for the Deaconness convention. Turning behind me to see the complete destruction of Gulfside Assembly, a historically black retreat center of the Mississippi Conference.
• Driving below the railroad tracks in Waveland/Bay St. Louis on Saturday - seeing row after row after row of demolished houses that used to greet me when I visited Main Street Bay St. Louis UMC - only 3 blocks from the beach - still standing, now coordinating work teams.
• Seeing Epworth Church - the only building at Moore Community house that won't be demolished - seeing it gutted to the studs and roof and stained glass windows. Knowing that we had JUST finished renovating it to ADA regs., and knowing that our training childcare classrooms were in the process of being supplied so that my co-workers could start working to improve the quality of child care on the coast. Now they're working to BUILD a child care industry on the coast.
• watching the video produced by WilmoreToThePass.com - a great visual of my college's relief trip to Pass Christian over thanksgiving break.
• reading my friend julie's blog - she participated in this trip, out of compassion & her personal connection to the coast (ie. me!). Julie's done a great job blogging her thoughts & her pictures of the trip.
• being able to be a part of the recovery by collecting toys, coats & books for the children affected by the storm - both those still living on the coast and those living in Jackson, MS.

Going to the coast does a weird thing to me - it wears me down so much I wonder - each time - if I can handle it. It usually takes me a few days to get back to normal. I've been down there 4 times since I got back from Thanksgiving break - no wonder I felt like I had been run over by a mac truck last night.

I'll be back again several times in the next two weeks, distributing toys to children - some, I learned, who are still living in tents. Please pray that God will provide me with the sheer strength to keep going - to keep giving, to keep working so that ALL children - young and old - have a better tomorrow. Pray that all of my relief projects will be completed - and that I will still be okay, even if they're not. (My perfectionism is in overdrive these days!)

For all of those who read this blog who have come to MS: THANK YOU. I've thanked Julie about 15 gazillion times. I didn't realize the void I felt for understanding until Julie came down - she & I were able to talk about what the coast is like, and talk about the recovery that we are now both a part of. I didn't know how important it was for someone I knew pre-katrina to understand me post-katrina.

cheesy, but good message

Carrot, Egg and Coffee...You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again...
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling.

It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside
became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.
When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity?

Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

just a thought

my job these days is to coordinate the collection & distribution of toys to children affected by the storm.

I've connected with folks around the country to send the toys, and folks around the state to receive them. One local connection is the Jackson Public Schools, which has been severely affected by white flight of Jackson. It has also received over 700 students evacuated by Katrina.

So far, these were just 700 children that needed toys. I am working my tail off to make sure that they each get something, but was preparing myself for not being able to reach all of them.

And then, today - at my simple-minded request... I received a list of the gender breakdown by the schools the children are enrolled in. (To help me distribute the right boxes to the right schools.)

But...

some of the schools listed the names of the children for whom we are seeking gifts.

It's alot easier for me to say "the children at xyz elementary school might not receive presents."

It is heartbreaking (and possibly bank-breaking) for me to say "Deshun, Hakeen and Marquez might not receive presents"

I want each child - children who are relative strangers to me, but to whom I feel a great responsibility - to receive a gift. For in that small way - they might know the love of God - and know that in the midst of the craziness their life has turned out to be - they are not alone.

I want this for the children at xyz elementary school, for Deshun, Hakeen, and Marquez. for all of the children on all 4 pages of my list, for all of the children who question whether or not Santa will find their home because they had to move. for all of the children who will wake up on Christmas morning and wonder if there was enough money left over after the groceries were bought to buy them a present. for all of the children who feel abandonded - I want them to feel loved, even if the only way we can figure out how to do it is to give them a small present for Christmas.

I want this, and so much more, for these beautiful children. Beautiful not because their genetics made them that way, but beautiful because they are the imago dei. The very image of God among us.

I'm not playing favorites, I promise

I know, I know. I should love all of my nieces & nephew equally. and I do... I promise.

I just had to post this picture of me & my julia-goolia. (If you don't know the reference of the nickname, you need to watch The Wedding Singer)

She's the most cuddly niece I have - well, except for Lucy, who at 3 months doesn't have an option to choose NOT to cuddle. Julia, however, will plant herself in my lap for hours at a time, just hugging me. It's the most wonderful thing.

And, I just happen to think that she's a beautiful child, and I am amazed at her sweetness. (Except when she's fighting with Andrew. Then she's just a big sister.)

(This is an article I wrote for my office's newsletter. The theme is Anticipation. I received a great compliment when a reader said that this article made him feel like he SHOULD do something, and that it also made him feel like he COULD do something. As an advocate for the children in Mississippi, there is nothing that warms my heart more than hearing such words.)

“… If we can just make it until…”

For so many of our families in Mississippi, the concept of anticipation is not new. We anticipate next week’s paycheck. We anticipate the starting (or ending) of a school year. We anticipate the opening of a new movie or the arrival of a new baby.

Unfortunately, for so many of the families in Mississippi – especially those who have full-time, minimum-wage jobs – the anticipation never ends. There is never enough to go around. Food stamps don’t quite cover the cost of food, children outgrow their clothing before there is enough money to buy more, and car repairs have no respect for bank account balances. For these families, there are many days of anticipating something yet to come.

“If we can just make it until…”

We read in the gospel accounts of Jesus’ love for the poor and outcasts of society and especially His love for children. We tell the parables of Jesus in which He describes the Kingdom of Heaven as a banquet feast for those in need. We see Jesus’ love as He healed a widow’s son and healed the leper. These are acts of restoration – acts of compassion and justice. It is this love that compels us as United Methodists to reach out in love to our neighbors who are poor and the children in our communities who are struggling to grow into the people God created them to be.

In response to this love, we have soup kitchens, we offer day care in our churches and we mentor students in our schools. We have Angel Trees at Christmas and provide a warm meal at Thanksgiving. These are wonderful acts of compassion – fueled by love for an amazing God.

The continuing challenge for us is to seek out the ones who are still struggling: the ones who will receive an Angel Tree present, knowing that it most likely will be their only gift until next Christmas and the ones whose name never even made it onto an Angel Tree. It is our challenge to look beyond the evidence of poverty and hunger to see the causes of these societal problems.

For many working poor families in Mississippi, there simply isn’t enough. Not enough time to work, not enough money to pay the bills, not enough family members to watch the children, not enough medicine to make the aches & pains go away.

And, for United Methodists in Mississippi, there are no reasons to keep us from helping.

During the winter months ahead, we are challenged to open our eyes to the world around us – starting in our own community. Here are some questions to ask as you drive around town in the days ahead:

• Does your school have enough supplies to teach its students to be competitive in the future?
• Does your town have a safe park for children and youth to play on the weekends?
• Are there safe homes for all of your neighbors to live in?
• Do the elementary school children and teenagers in your town have a safe environment to be in during the after school hours?
• Are there affordable, high-quality child care centers for single mothers to send their toddlers to while they work?
• Does every family in your neighborhood have dinner to eat tonight and lunch for tomorrow?
• Can every family support itself enough to have adequate health care and reliable transportation?
  

Our faith urges us to ask these questions, and our faith compels us to take action once they are answered. For families that live in anticipation of better things to come, it is the people of the United Methodist Church in Mississippi that can help that anticipation lead to a better future for our children and for ourselves.

One day, families in Mississippi will anticipate their children’s high school and college graduation. Together, we anticipate the day when all families have adequate health care and access to competitive schools. We anticipate the day when Mississippi is ranked #1 in child well-being. We anticipate the day that all of Mississippi’s children can grow into the man or woman God created them to be.

Bedford High School class of 1995

Over thanksgiving weekend, I gathered with about 100 of my classmates from Bedford High School - it's been 10 years since we were at school together. Friday night at a local bar - that was just weird. Good to see folks, but I couldn't remember most of their names! Especially after the first beer - it got even more challenging, because my DESIRE to remember their names diminished. =) As I said to my friend Monika (it was Monica when we were children) - it's amazing how much more comforable I am when these folks aren't my peer group.

I enjoyed seeing my good high school friends, and it was good to catch up on where our lives have taken us - such different journeys from when we were together. I hope the next 10 bring us many more journeys, and many more good times.

The pictures are of two of my closest girlfriends... Monika - the blond. We became friends in 1st grade on the playground, and remained friends for the next 12 years. The brunette is Lisa - our friendship developed later in high school, and yet provided both of us with many goood memories.