3 days... 3 days...

I'm not nervous.

People keep asking me (among other questions, which I may blog about later)... if I'm nervous. Am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to be nervous about? That something will go wrong? Beyond someone dying or getting into a car accident or something else life-tragic, anything that goes wrong is fix-able. Or inconsequential.

After living through the year that I've just come through, I'm not nervous about this wedding.

I'm not nervous about marrying Max. I know him, and he knows me. Being together these three weeks only (the longest span of time during which we've seen each other daily in 3 years!) confirmed (not that it was needed) that we are making the right decision. That we truly are good for each other. That we make each other better, and demonstrate graace with each other when it is needed.

I'm not nervous. I can't wait for it to get here. I find myself getting upset when friends tell me that they aren't able to come for any variety of reasons. I want EVERYONE we know & love to share this day with us. This day - this day that no one thought would get here. This day - when Max & I are joined as husband and wife. This day - when we celebrate our heritage, our families, our friends with each other. This day - when we start our lives together - fundamentally being the same, yet being fundamentally different.

I keep trying my wedding ring on. First of all, because I love it! Second, because I keep expecting to FEEL different when I see my hand with it on. Unlike most brides, I have not spent my engagement with an engagement ring. So this ring that I have placed on my finger on Saturday afternoon will be the first and only sign of commitment to Max. The thing is - I don't feel different when I try it on. It's shockingly natural to see my left ring finger with a silver band on it. Making this commitment is natural. (NOTE - I did not say easy. None of this is easy. But, despite the adjustments of fusing a life with someone else, neither Max nor I have doubted our decision.)

We've been writing our own ceremony, and my indicator of what reading/saying I like is simply this: I wait 'til I cry when I read it. If I don't get choked up at least once, it isn't right. Even tonight, Max suggested something. Without a second passing, I got choked up & tears started forming. I simply nodded to him & said - yes. Of course we should do that - it makes me cry. He laughed the other night at such an event & said: "You're going to be a puddle, aren't you?" Holly & Julie - be prepared with kleenex. Maybe I'll hide some at the altar, just to be safe.

'that's enough rambling for now... I got another idea of something else to do! See you Saturday, I hope!